The Burden Of Expectation

Shakespeare once wrote "all the worlds a stage", if this is true why must we be actors on it? Why not the director of the play? The writer of our own performance? Yet we are not, we play our parts, fulfill our roles based on the expectations of those around us.

To set the tone for this latest musing indulge me an example. When Lady Diana Spencer (AKA Princess Diana) died in a tunnel in Paris France the United Kingdom poured its grief out in public like cheap wine at a hens night. The sentiment was only overshadowed in its magnitude by the level of hypocrisy. The same people who stood for hours to place flowers at Kensington Palace had been lapping up the photos in the tabloids for years. So why the tears? why were a country united in grief? because it was expected. If, like me, you were one of the few who admitted you didn't think that much of her when alive and that her death was hardly a reason for a day off work and trip to 'someone to talk to', then my admiration knows no bounds. Obviously we all felt for her sons, but then thousands of kids loose their parents and no-body stands in the rain to lay flowers outside their 3 bedroom semi in Rochdale do they?

My point is this, we go through life bowing to the pressure to be, to react, to behave how others think we should. From childhood where the fear of disappointing our parents is indoctrinated, through the formative years where although we think we are rebelling against the status quo we are in fact just fulfilling the expected teenage stereotype. We become husbands and wives and worry endlessly about what our partner thinks, am i getting to fat? does she still find me attractive because of my hair loss? Then we in turn become parents & we pay $200 for trainers so our child can fit in, be one of the in crowd... why the hell do we do it? We cry at funerals for people we don't like or don't know, we cheer and clap at weddings for a couple we know will be in the divorce courts before their 5th anniversary. We attend christenings when we don't believe in god the list is endless and all because its considered socially acceptable, its what others expect of us.

Their are people who are more often than not happy, cheer full people, but watch what happens to them if they have a sad day. People react because that's not their role, they are the joker in the pack and must for fill their role at all times, and so our joker paints over the sadness never having one of those off days for fear of letting down the rest of the cast in the play. What we should remember is its our play, we are the lead actor or actress, we paint the sets and write the lines, everyone else in our play are just supporting actors so play the part however you want, but also accept you are a supporting role in someone Else's play so don't expect them to play their part the way you want, they must play it their own way. Sometimes this will hurt, they will choose a direction that causes you pain, but remember that they must live with themselves and nobody else, much as you must choose your own path because you are the only person you have to live with your whole life. Others will come into your play and you may feel that they deserve a more considered approach to how you interact with their characters, but ultimately not at the cost of your own enjoyment of your role.

This has been born out of a choice made by someone very dear to me of late, a choice which has caused me great pain and sadness, but i accept that choice, they must do that which they feel offers them the greatest chance of fulfillment in their own play, but they must also think how the change in script alters the part i play in their production.

So from Shakespeare to Hooberstank "be not the next of 'them'... be the first of 'You' "

I Think Im Paranoid

This last week 'Paranoid' is a word that has been thrown at me, and although most of us would take offence at the accusation it got me thinking about the whole idea of paranoia.

Now to clarify I'm not talking on an aliens shot JFK conspiracy theory level of paranoia, but the type we all feel at times, and i started to ask myself if there is anything wrong with people who are accused of being paranoid. Let me explain as I'm sure this is making little or no sense. My teenage step daughter sometimes walks home now let us say for example she notices someone following her, she assumes that this person or persons are following her for some clandestine reason so she approaches a house knocks and asks for help, is she paranoid? now let us take it that someone was indeed behind her, but that they were just walking home like her. The point is this, it seems to me that often those we condemn as paranoid are not that far from the truth.

We use the allegation to throw someone of a scent, hypotheticaly let us say your having an affair, some steamy romance of expensive hotels with your secretary (I am immune to this as i slept with the secretary that often i married her). Your spouse suspects and begins to make subtle but telling comments so you accuse them of being suspicious, un-trusting and paranoid. The very word makes us recoil, to re-examine and often conclude that yes that must be it, that our imagination ran away with us, all the while the secretary keeps getting 'overtime'.

My thought is this, we should trust our initial feeling, not be put off by accusations of paranoia as even in some small way I believe our paranoia may be closer to the truth than we realise. So I shall continue to form my conclusions regardless of others who say I'm paranoid because maybe just maybe I'm not paranoid & she really is out to get me.

Moving forward in a pointless direction

And so it has started. The inevitable drive forward into the realms of technology. Our household is a haven for all manner of technological blunders, we are the people who thought HD DVD would better Blu-Ray, We owned a mini disc player/recorder, I think somewhere in the distant past there was even a lazer disc player (once more kids ask your parents or even grandparents they will know).

My wife is without a doubt a gadget freak, when women drawl all over pictures of Johnny Depp in speedo's on a French Beach my wife drawls slack jawed over the magazine 'Stuff'. If its new, it has a mains adapter and it does something with files she can transfer from her smart phone then she needs it, please note needs not wants.

and so as sure as CD killed vinyl, as sure as MP3 is killing CD & as sure as our electric bill will be higher this month the national debt of a third world nation the EBook has invaded. Pah to all that words printed on bits of paper says she who is sponsored by Duracell. No way is the 2000 year old tried and tested method of relaying information good enough in 2009 we need an ebook reader. For those uninitiated with the revolution an ebook is a computer file of a normal book & an ebook reader is a handheld device about the size of your average paperback with which to view said ebook. Sony's latest holds about 180 books & it claims you can read war and peace 7 times on one battery charge. Although why you would want to read war and peace more than once is alien to me.

So we are going to the digital age of books, no more dusty shelves in musty book shops for us, no more the enjoyment of opening a crisp new copy of something and falling into the romance of actual pages in your hands, no more feeling part of the story with the turn of each leaf and no more the sentimental return to a copy of an old favorite who's spine hangs on amidst a copious amount of sellotape... and she calls this progress???

Worse than all this is my wife's display of pure logic... she has downloaded from the Internet a complete collection of books which we already own, in ebook format, she has compressed and changed the file format all in eager anticipation of owning a device which at this stage doesn't even have a release date, a device she has never seen & yet is already sold whole hearted on.... i think i will go grab that dog eared copy of war and peace and see if my battery lasts long enough to get through it seven times or if i will suffer terminal failure on attempt 4.

A new Year... The Same Crap

Welcome to 2009, I hope that any who follow my thoughts had an enjoyable one & started the new year full of the feelings of a new start, a new beginning where old wounds can heal, old vendettas settled... Alas i find myself still in the same storm i have for the past few years.

I question the situation in Gaza, can peace without trust be achieved? Can compromise be reached without either side being prepared to put aside old fears, old judgements? Can two people at war move forward while they refuse to have some faith, some trust in each other? More so while these two nations, the leaders of these two societies wage war against each other do they not see the innocent suffering of their people? The same people they promised to protect and respect?

On a much less grand scale that we all fight our own personal wars, battles which to us and those we swore to protect are just as devastating, just as pointless, but we wage them all the same. If we could just find a little trust, a little less preconceived suspicion we could find peace, we could have harmony for ourselves and those we care for, but no our old prejudices Lear their grease painted faces like the villain in a pantomime & instead of booing such a scoundrel from the stage of our lives we embrace it, bring it close to our heart, hold onto it like a security against the fear of trust betrayed.

This year i shall try to find a little trust in those who wrong me, find a little compassion for the deluded fools who plot & plan, who live in a constant state of paranoid delusions of grandeur. I have made a promise to be more open, more obvious, in a hope that the very people who have made me out to be the villain of the peace that is the play of their lives will be shown for what they are. It is my hope this year that my son will see me for who i am, & not who he has been told i am..... A happy 2009 to everyone.. even my ex wife.


(there the 1st step towards peace have been made)