Slip on your Donkey jacket, paint the fence with scab and let the eggs go rotten to through at the buses, it's time to strike! Here in the land of the gold and green it seems everyone thinks they are hard done by, the nurses, the teachers the confectionery workers, the tinker, the tailor, the soldier, the spy.
This Thursday the teachers are going on strike, following on from the nurses etc. They say it's a strike about conditions, its a strike about pay, its a strike about employment contracts, but funny that all these things come to a head when Friday is a curriculum day and Monday is a bank holiday. The fact is teachers want more money, don't let the claims about child and education welfare fool you if they were offered 6% rise and no reduction in class sizes, no investment in schools they would be reading the paper at the front of little Johnny's English class like every other day.
What i don't get it this, I'm sure there are economics teachers who are striking, business studies teachers who will not be on the picket line, but sitting at home in the warm saying they are making a stand. Would one of these people please tell me where they think the money is going to come from? How is the pay rise going to be achieved without cuts to someone Else's job or increased taxation?
At the core of the global economy at the moment is a problem, its not one of a lack of money, its one of an increase in greed, a failure to recognise we all have our place in the social ladder. When i was young nobody expected teachers to earn what brain surgeons do, nobody thought a cleaner should earn what an accountant does, but now these comparisons are thrown around with scant thought of the long term implications.
Lets look at a hypothetical future, the teachers have won there pay rise and now earn the same as doctors. So Johnny, who amazingly passed his English exam despite the poor standard of teaching has two choices:
1. Train to be a doctor, spend 6 years at medical school to then work every night, weekend, public holiday shift there is at an emergency ward in his local hospital. He spends his day working to pay back the huge debt he ran up becoming a doctor and lets not forget if he makes a mistake people die.
2. Train to become a teacher, spend two years at colleague to then get 14 weeks holiday a year, never have to work nights or weekends, no public holiday shifts. He gets days off to meet parents and to write up his reports and if he makes a mistake well lets be fair nobody is going to die and he can always just blame the fact he had to many patients.
Both options offer Johnny the same salary a year, so why oh why is he ever going to take option one? The fact is there is a social ladder in terms of employment vs standard of living and so there should be or we end up with no doctors, accountants, CEO's, lawyers, judges, police officers, fireman, ambulance drivers, nurses. If we could all earn $100K a year being a postman we would.
So to teachers i say this, get back to the classroom, do the job you chose to do and stop moaning, many in the private sector are loosing their jobs, are taking pay cuts, are being put on 4 day weeks and only get 4 weeks holiday a year often unpaid if they are on casual contracts... Teaching... EASY LIFE!
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Mirror Mirror on the wall
First indulge me a token insincere platitude by wishing any and all who follow my thoughts a happy new year, obviously you should not take this as a heartfelt hope that your life prospers, but simply the socially acceptable way of entering another cycle of 365 days.
And so with 2011 behind us and the impending end of the world on December 21st in front, my new year has started as most do, a promise to be at the gym, to eat healthy and to enjoy life, the fact that i went to the gym in the same runners i did last January 1st tells you how that panned out last year, but i once more meander through the quagmire of random thoughts, and should come to the point..
Beauty is, as is said, in the eye of the beholder, well let me put you straight on this, if your female that's not true. I know this to be the case not because of some psychic insight into the female mind, but because my stunning wife does nothing but run her self down constantly in terms of her body. I am going to introduce my female readers to a novel concept, you are not what your mind shows you when you look in a mirror.
As a husband my wife looks as stunning to me today as she did 10 years ago, i do not see the things she does, I could take the high ground and say that's because i see past the physical to some spiritual connection, or she could take the typical woman's role of saying its because i don't look anymore, but the truth is simple a soul mate, a partner for life is much like a tattoo, if you thought the look of it wouldn't change over the years you probably shouldn't have got it in the first place.
Why are woman so obsessed with their bodies as they get older? Does my wife have the bust she had 20 years ago? I bloody hope not because she was breastfeeding then, and if its still that way now i suspect there's something shes not telling me. Is her, shall we offer a little decorum and say, derriere as firm as it was in her late teens? No, but then its hardly the sack of spuds she thinks it is either. I think men are in a difficult position, we know our wives, lovers, partners don't have the same body as they did when we met them, and we also know there is no right answer to them when they ask. The fact is this, we don't care that we can no longer use your nipples are a coat rack, nor do we mind about those lines on your thighs, you mind and i feel only because you think we do.
The fact is this, make the most of the things you have, stop being so self critical, stop encouraging others to see flaws that only you perceive. You are not what you see in the mirror, and if someone loves you then there one wish would be for you to see you the way they see you. Lets be fair if you look in the mirror and don't find one thing to criticise you must be from Jersey/Gordie Shore, The Only Way Is Essex or Made In Chelsea... In which case what you see in the mirror is the very least of your worries.
And so with 2011 behind us and the impending end of the world on December 21st in front, my new year has started as most do, a promise to be at the gym, to eat healthy and to enjoy life, the fact that i went to the gym in the same runners i did last January 1st tells you how that panned out last year, but i once more meander through the quagmire of random thoughts, and should come to the point..
Beauty is, as is said, in the eye of the beholder, well let me put you straight on this, if your female that's not true. I know this to be the case not because of some psychic insight into the female mind, but because my stunning wife does nothing but run her self down constantly in terms of her body. I am going to introduce my female readers to a novel concept, you are not what your mind shows you when you look in a mirror.
As a husband my wife looks as stunning to me today as she did 10 years ago, i do not see the things she does, I could take the high ground and say that's because i see past the physical to some spiritual connection, or she could take the typical woman's role of saying its because i don't look anymore, but the truth is simple a soul mate, a partner for life is much like a tattoo, if you thought the look of it wouldn't change over the years you probably shouldn't have got it in the first place.
Why are woman so obsessed with their bodies as they get older? Does my wife have the bust she had 20 years ago? I bloody hope not because she was breastfeeding then, and if its still that way now i suspect there's something shes not telling me. Is her, shall we offer a little decorum and say, derriere as firm as it was in her late teens? No, but then its hardly the sack of spuds she thinks it is either. I think men are in a difficult position, we know our wives, lovers, partners don't have the same body as they did when we met them, and we also know there is no right answer to them when they ask. The fact is this, we don't care that we can no longer use your nipples are a coat rack, nor do we mind about those lines on your thighs, you mind and i feel only because you think we do.
The fact is this, make the most of the things you have, stop being so self critical, stop encouraging others to see flaws that only you perceive. You are not what you see in the mirror, and if someone loves you then there one wish would be for you to see you the way they see you. Lets be fair if you look in the mirror and don't find one thing to criticise you must be from Jersey/Gordie Shore, The Only Way Is Essex or Made In Chelsea... In which case what you see in the mirror is the very least of your worries.
Friday, November 25, 2011
An Open Invitation To Peace Talks
Dear .....
Let me start by saying I have wronged you, our collective past is littered with mistakes on both sides, but for my part I am sorry. Through a combination of lack of experience, lack of understanding and frustration I made mistakes at times in the way I handled situations, in the way I addresses the negativity & hostility which i now see was inevitable. Looking back it was I who should have demonstrated the emotional maturity to understand your position & for that lack of understanding I am deeply remorseful.
We have reached a junction now, where, in my humble opinion, only two paths lay open to us. We can move forwards, putting our joint mistakes behind us, forgiving our errors and attempting to find harmony or we can move still further apart giving us both the sanctuary from further injury we both desire. The first is a harder and longer road, but one which i believe will have a greater reward at the end, the second is an easier walk, but holds little if anything at the end.
There are, as I'm sure you will agree, two other possibilities, both of which must, straight away be cast aside, we can not go backwards, though wounds heal over times we will both carry the scars inflicted from those battles for ever, there is no way back to rectify the past, as i have said i regret the perceived harm you feel I am in part or in whole responsible for, but i cant rewind time and erase it. Further we can not stand still, the battle which rages between us, too often unspoken and unaddressed is leaving the very people we love laying wounded on the field of conflict, we must stop this now. No more can we continue to wage war using others as foot soldiers, If confrontation is the only way to resolution is must be between us and not using others as humans shields.
It is my firm belief that if we start by not looking at the scars inflicted on ourselves, but look at the scars we leave on others we may yet find peace. I have faced and made peace with my shortcomings, can you in turn do the same? If you can't then i feel the unseen and unheard casualties will continue to be hurt, continue to be pulled from one camp to another. this we must work together to stop straight away, if we don't we are no better than the decisions made by others which led you to where you are today.
I hope you find peace, find resolution, I hope that by admitting my part in your pain you may grasp the offered olive branch, not for me and probably not for you, but for those around us who feel each blow, each shot fired twice as much as either of us. I beg you to look at yourself, begin to see that we are each both victim and villain, both light and dark, both to blame.
Let me start by saying I have wronged you, our collective past is littered with mistakes on both sides, but for my part I am sorry. Through a combination of lack of experience, lack of understanding and frustration I made mistakes at times in the way I handled situations, in the way I addresses the negativity & hostility which i now see was inevitable. Looking back it was I who should have demonstrated the emotional maturity to understand your position & for that lack of understanding I am deeply remorseful.
We have reached a junction now, where, in my humble opinion, only two paths lay open to us. We can move forwards, putting our joint mistakes behind us, forgiving our errors and attempting to find harmony or we can move still further apart giving us both the sanctuary from further injury we both desire. The first is a harder and longer road, but one which i believe will have a greater reward at the end, the second is an easier walk, but holds little if anything at the end.
There are, as I'm sure you will agree, two other possibilities, both of which must, straight away be cast aside, we can not go backwards, though wounds heal over times we will both carry the scars inflicted from those battles for ever, there is no way back to rectify the past, as i have said i regret the perceived harm you feel I am in part or in whole responsible for, but i cant rewind time and erase it. Further we can not stand still, the battle which rages between us, too often unspoken and unaddressed is leaving the very people we love laying wounded on the field of conflict, we must stop this now. No more can we continue to wage war using others as foot soldiers, If confrontation is the only way to resolution is must be between us and not using others as humans shields.
It is my firm belief that if we start by not looking at the scars inflicted on ourselves, but look at the scars we leave on others we may yet find peace. I have faced and made peace with my shortcomings, can you in turn do the same? If you can't then i feel the unseen and unheard casualties will continue to be hurt, continue to be pulled from one camp to another. this we must work together to stop straight away, if we don't we are no better than the decisions made by others which led you to where you are today.
I hope you find peace, find resolution, I hope that by admitting my part in your pain you may grasp the offered olive branch, not for me and probably not for you, but for those around us who feel each blow, each shot fired twice as much as either of us. I beg you to look at yourself, begin to see that we are each both victim and villain, both light and dark, both to blame.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Don't Look Back In Anger
They say the past will come back to haunt us and that hindsight is the mother of all mistresses. I say look backwards and all you do is walk into a lot of things. Welcome back to my thoughts and random babble, its been a while hasn't it? That may in part be to do with me being very busy of late or in part to i have had nothing to get of my chest, either way is probably a good thing.
I will come, uncharacteristically straight to the point, why is it people feel the need to carry their past with them like a crucifix, to be whipped out and quickly assembled so they can nail themselves to it at any given opportunity? We all have a past, some of which we wish to celebrate and some we would rather forget, but it is yesterday and you can't change it so why keep looking at it? At times i am sure we have all looked at times gone by with longing, eager to recapture a moment or relive a day just to experience it again, exactly how it was without change or alteration. I am just as sure we have all yearned to go back to an event and change it completely, rearrange those mistakes we made, rectify the wrongs we have done or have had done to us, but we can do neither so best to keep our past only as a learning curve, only as a reference of what to do and what not to do.
As children we have little past and therefore little regret, or for that matter celebration. As adults we have more things we wish we had done differently & in contrast more things we now feel we did right, even if at the time we were'nt sure. If you can look back and smile at your life then it doesn't always follow you have no regrets, just that you have mastered the art of knowing you cant change it, that you can and probably have learnt from it. Yet i am faced with people who wish to destroy their present for the sake of their past, people who want to carry the pain of yesterday into tomorrow.
I can't understand these people, I can't imagine a life spent carry grudges, dragging the baggage of your teenage years around with you, ruining your life over things you can't change, things that ultimately were out of your control then and remain that way now. Move on with your lives, look forward to the sunrise of a new day not mourn the sunsets you missed last week. If we cancel flights because of terrorists yesterday we let them win, if we mourn a life lost rather than celebrate a life lived we do a disservice to those departed and if you alienate those who love you for mistakes you think they made in your childhood then your going to live a very lonely life, unable to forgive the past, unable to live in the present and unable to look to the future with any hope..... Live in the moment or you'll never be free! You know who you are, your the person who stopped reading at the title unable to face what was coming because your to busy resenting people for whats been.
I will come, uncharacteristically straight to the point, why is it people feel the need to carry their past with them like a crucifix, to be whipped out and quickly assembled so they can nail themselves to it at any given opportunity? We all have a past, some of which we wish to celebrate and some we would rather forget, but it is yesterday and you can't change it so why keep looking at it? At times i am sure we have all looked at times gone by with longing, eager to recapture a moment or relive a day just to experience it again, exactly how it was without change or alteration. I am just as sure we have all yearned to go back to an event and change it completely, rearrange those mistakes we made, rectify the wrongs we have done or have had done to us, but we can do neither so best to keep our past only as a learning curve, only as a reference of what to do and what not to do.
As children we have little past and therefore little regret, or for that matter celebration. As adults we have more things we wish we had done differently & in contrast more things we now feel we did right, even if at the time we were'nt sure. If you can look back and smile at your life then it doesn't always follow you have no regrets, just that you have mastered the art of knowing you cant change it, that you can and probably have learnt from it. Yet i am faced with people who wish to destroy their present for the sake of their past, people who want to carry the pain of yesterday into tomorrow.
I can't understand these people, I can't imagine a life spent carry grudges, dragging the baggage of your teenage years around with you, ruining your life over things you can't change, things that ultimately were out of your control then and remain that way now. Move on with your lives, look forward to the sunrise of a new day not mourn the sunsets you missed last week. If we cancel flights because of terrorists yesterday we let them win, if we mourn a life lost rather than celebrate a life lived we do a disservice to those departed and if you alienate those who love you for mistakes you think they made in your childhood then your going to live a very lonely life, unable to forgive the past, unable to live in the present and unable to look to the future with any hope..... Live in the moment or you'll never be free! You know who you are, your the person who stopped reading at the title unable to face what was coming because your to busy resenting people for whats been.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
A Legacy
"When i leave you, i will leave you, thing that might never help you, things that might. Problems that i never solved, dreams to keep you up at night. As i leave you, i will leave you, things that stick forever... things that slide." - Steven Hogarth
With a trip to the mother land booked, planned and payed for she of the cold feet and i have been thinking its time to look at wills, this throws into sharp focus the things we leave behind us. So it is that i have been thinking of the legacy i leave my son, now I'm not talking about the insurance policies, the material things, but the wisdom (or lack of) that i could bestow on him. What in the total of 36 years have i learnt that might help him in darker times and i concluded i have much to tell him, probably many things i never will until in the last gasps of mortality i realise its too much too say and i left it too late to say it.
The point here is about fear, why do we leave everything we want to say until its too late. We say sorry when the moment for reconciliation has passed, we tell people we love them too little then regret that we never shared our heart when our world falls apart. I'm sure this is born from fear, a fear that if we say i love you it wont be reciprocated, that saying sorry is weakness. I am as guilty as anyone of this, i don't tell my dad i love him, i should because i do very much, but somehow those sentimental moments never seem appropriate, I know a day will come when i regret that i won't be able to tell him yet that in itself does not drive me to say today what i may not be able to tomorrow.
So i have decided to tell my son some pearls of wisdom before it's too late, before he reaches the age where he wont listen or i reach the age where i can't remember them anymore. My first would be love yourself, even if you love nobody else, because you have to live with you no matter where you are. That there are no bad things in your past if your happy in your present, those moments of despair bought you to where you are so be gratefull for them. That if you find love, hold it like you would your last breath, never take it for granted, never let your partner feel alone because if you love them they never will feel alone. Respect everyone you meet, you may not like them, but respect that they are trying to find their own way much as you are. Tell your mum and dad how much they mean to you, there will come a day when they cant answer you, but don't live with the regret that you never told them how you felt.
Above all smile, life has it's ups and its downs, but that's the way its supposed to be, after all if everything was perfect you wouldn't appreciate those special moments, special people. I have decided that i refuse to allow my legacy to be a collection of things i should have said but didn't, things i needed to do but never found the time. I'm going to see everyone i love on Christmas day 2010 and I'm going to be bloody sure they all know how much they mean to me.
With a trip to the mother land booked, planned and payed for she of the cold feet and i have been thinking its time to look at wills, this throws into sharp focus the things we leave behind us. So it is that i have been thinking of the legacy i leave my son, now I'm not talking about the insurance policies, the material things, but the wisdom (or lack of) that i could bestow on him. What in the total of 36 years have i learnt that might help him in darker times and i concluded i have much to tell him, probably many things i never will until in the last gasps of mortality i realise its too much too say and i left it too late to say it.
The point here is about fear, why do we leave everything we want to say until its too late. We say sorry when the moment for reconciliation has passed, we tell people we love them too little then regret that we never shared our heart when our world falls apart. I'm sure this is born from fear, a fear that if we say i love you it wont be reciprocated, that saying sorry is weakness. I am as guilty as anyone of this, i don't tell my dad i love him, i should because i do very much, but somehow those sentimental moments never seem appropriate, I know a day will come when i regret that i won't be able to tell him yet that in itself does not drive me to say today what i may not be able to tomorrow.
So i have decided to tell my son some pearls of wisdom before it's too late, before he reaches the age where he wont listen or i reach the age where i can't remember them anymore. My first would be love yourself, even if you love nobody else, because you have to live with you no matter where you are. That there are no bad things in your past if your happy in your present, those moments of despair bought you to where you are so be gratefull for them. That if you find love, hold it like you would your last breath, never take it for granted, never let your partner feel alone because if you love them they never will feel alone. Respect everyone you meet, you may not like them, but respect that they are trying to find their own way much as you are. Tell your mum and dad how much they mean to you, there will come a day when they cant answer you, but don't live with the regret that you never told them how you felt.
Above all smile, life has it's ups and its downs, but that's the way its supposed to be, after all if everything was perfect you wouldn't appreciate those special moments, special people. I have decided that i refuse to allow my legacy to be a collection of things i should have said but didn't, things i needed to do but never found the time. I'm going to see everyone i love on Christmas day 2010 and I'm going to be bloody sure they all know how much they mean to me.
Head In The Sand
After a very long absence from my blog i have been pondering many things, but first up is the stupidity of thinking you can in some way control children. My son, bless him for his patience is growing up, not yet a teen, but no longer a child either. The conversations we have had taken on a new more mature context and his wants have become a little more demanding.
His all too soon transition to teenage angst approaches like the coming storm and I'm worried, not for him after all we all went through it and with a few bumps, scratches and mistakes we all came through the other side. No i worry for those around him, some of whom seem to be under the misguided opinion that when they say no to everything then what they want to happen will be what happens. Now don't get me wrong, I don't claim to be some parenting expert who has all the answers, but i have dragged three children through the teen years, often kicking and screaming, but they have all made it and done so to become decent people with good heads on shoulders, well most of the time.
The answer seems to be that if you say no to everything you fail in every way a parent can fail. I draw this from my own childhood where negotiation, compromise and an encouraged environment to formulate agreement were all key, yes my parents flat out said no to somethings, but looking back those requests were just plain unreasonable, but where possible my sister and I were encouraged to consider our requests, to compromise where possible & negotiate with thought for action and consequence. So it is these values I have used when approaching difficult teenage situations. All this said it seems my son is being raised in a dictatorship, where there is no negotiation, no compromise just rule & an expectation of unquestioning obedience. I have bad news for the would be Castro, this will not work!
Any parent who believes that saying no to a request will always result in the outcome you wanted is a fool, teenagers will do what teenagers have always done, they will go round the negative one way or another. My step son recently requested to dye his hair pink, now this was met with consideration, an explanation of the consequences & subsequent advice that if he must look like a stick of hubba bubba gum then at least get a professional to do it and not the girl at school. So he did, it came out orange and he now looks like a cross between the dulux dog and ron weasly, but hey he's happy with it so that's fine. Had we said no I have no doubts that he would have done it anyway and ended up with his hair falling out and blisters on his scalp from the bleaching so I'm of the opinion we went the right way.
So we come back to my son, who has left behind the Mario cart games and moved on to war based, shooting, blowing things up etc games. That is too say he would have if he were allowed by the powers that be in his household. No he is not allowed to play what all his classmates are playing, no it is not open to discussion and no there will be no compromise. In there lays the problem, does his ruler honestly think he pops over to a friends house, but says no to playing Call Of Duty 4 or Gears Of War 2 just because his mum said no? Of course he doesn't! The second you ban something you just make it more attractive, I remember a song by a band in the 80's that was banned by the BBC and subsequently entered the singles chart at number 1. I knew people in my youth who were told that they could not drink at parties, they were the ones with drink problems by 16. I have tales of the same person banning war games for my son who watched the Exorcist at 12 having been told under no circumstances to watch it.
To clarify I'm not supporting parents endorsing everything, children need limits and they need somethings to rebel against, to feel like they are young revolutionaries fighting the evil regime of tyranny, even if that's just an illusion created by devious parents. In our house smoking is frowned on, even though both of us are ex smokers, we go through the motions of banning the kids from smoking even though we know 2 of them do and there is nothing we can say to stop them, but we frown and rant and they feel they are, for want of a better term "sticking it to the man". However we ban drugs & all are aware that the consequence for bringing drugs, or the culture that goes with them will not be tolerated in any way. We allow, no encourage them to join us in controlled drinking, a beer with dinner or a glass of champagne on birthdays thus making them feel they are adults while teaching them how to respect booze. So it's all about striking a balance between No and meaning No, No and being open to negotiation, No and knowing it will be ignored and yes. So allow my son to play his games with his friends, say no to the porn under the bed, but accept it will still be there, say no to smoking but accept he will try it and say no to drugs and explain the consequences of ignoring that rule.
In my opinion, and experience this approach works, no it's not perfect, yes it means your giving ground on things you would rather not, but by compromise you maintain a little control, by dictatorship you risk the bloody uprising of the oppressed masses.
His all too soon transition to teenage angst approaches like the coming storm and I'm worried, not for him after all we all went through it and with a few bumps, scratches and mistakes we all came through the other side. No i worry for those around him, some of whom seem to be under the misguided opinion that when they say no to everything then what they want to happen will be what happens. Now don't get me wrong, I don't claim to be some parenting expert who has all the answers, but i have dragged three children through the teen years, often kicking and screaming, but they have all made it and done so to become decent people with good heads on shoulders, well most of the time.
The answer seems to be that if you say no to everything you fail in every way a parent can fail. I draw this from my own childhood where negotiation, compromise and an encouraged environment to formulate agreement were all key, yes my parents flat out said no to somethings, but looking back those requests were just plain unreasonable, but where possible my sister and I were encouraged to consider our requests, to compromise where possible & negotiate with thought for action and consequence. So it is these values I have used when approaching difficult teenage situations. All this said it seems my son is being raised in a dictatorship, where there is no negotiation, no compromise just rule & an expectation of unquestioning obedience. I have bad news for the would be Castro, this will not work!
Any parent who believes that saying no to a request will always result in the outcome you wanted is a fool, teenagers will do what teenagers have always done, they will go round the negative one way or another. My step son recently requested to dye his hair pink, now this was met with consideration, an explanation of the consequences & subsequent advice that if he must look like a stick of hubba bubba gum then at least get a professional to do it and not the girl at school. So he did, it came out orange and he now looks like a cross between the dulux dog and ron weasly, but hey he's happy with it so that's fine. Had we said no I have no doubts that he would have done it anyway and ended up with his hair falling out and blisters on his scalp from the bleaching so I'm of the opinion we went the right way.
So we come back to my son, who has left behind the Mario cart games and moved on to war based, shooting, blowing things up etc games. That is too say he would have if he were allowed by the powers that be in his household. No he is not allowed to play what all his classmates are playing, no it is not open to discussion and no there will be no compromise. In there lays the problem, does his ruler honestly think he pops over to a friends house, but says no to playing Call Of Duty 4 or Gears Of War 2 just because his mum said no? Of course he doesn't! The second you ban something you just make it more attractive, I remember a song by a band in the 80's that was banned by the BBC and subsequently entered the singles chart at number 1. I knew people in my youth who were told that they could not drink at parties, they were the ones with drink problems by 16. I have tales of the same person banning war games for my son who watched the Exorcist at 12 having been told under no circumstances to watch it.
To clarify I'm not supporting parents endorsing everything, children need limits and they need somethings to rebel against, to feel like they are young revolutionaries fighting the evil regime of tyranny, even if that's just an illusion created by devious parents. In our house smoking is frowned on, even though both of us are ex smokers, we go through the motions of banning the kids from smoking even though we know 2 of them do and there is nothing we can say to stop them, but we frown and rant and they feel they are, for want of a better term "sticking it to the man". However we ban drugs & all are aware that the consequence for bringing drugs, or the culture that goes with them will not be tolerated in any way. We allow, no encourage them to join us in controlled drinking, a beer with dinner or a glass of champagne on birthdays thus making them feel they are adults while teaching them how to respect booze. So it's all about striking a balance between No and meaning No, No and being open to negotiation, No and knowing it will be ignored and yes. So allow my son to play his games with his friends, say no to the porn under the bed, but accept it will still be there, say no to smoking but accept he will try it and say no to drugs and explain the consequences of ignoring that rule.
In my opinion, and experience this approach works, no it's not perfect, yes it means your giving ground on things you would rather not, but by compromise you maintain a little control, by dictatorship you risk the bloody uprising of the oppressed masses.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
The Years Roll By
This week I approach another milestone, another year ticked of the calender, older and i think maybe for the 1st time a little wiser. My birthday looms on the mantle piece at home in the form of a pile of unopened cards, keen to remind me that I'm another year closer to being dead, but that's a little morbid i suppose, i should celebrate this occasion with gusto.
Why then do i feel a trepidation with the coming cake and candles? I have never been a big one for birthdays, never understood the significance really. We spend money and write cards and cook meals and book hotels for what? To celebrate an event we don't even remember, i mean honestly does anyone remember the day they were born? What relevance does that day have? I feel it would be better to celebrate the day you left home, or the day you lost your virginity, or even the day before your first hangover. These are days when you started living, not the day you were pushed, screaming into this world.
Why not shift your birthday to the day of conception, after all pro life supporters would have us believe that the unborn child is living so QED birth is not the start of life. I'm going to go as far as saying i don't like birthdays, i have enough reminders all year that I'm getting older, the flecks of grey on the hairdressers floor, the inability to sleep through the night without a 3am trip to the bathroom or my personal favorite, the I'm standing in front of the fridge and don't know why memory game. I really don't need people sending me cards about senility, about baldness or sexual impotence to remind me the clock is ticking.
I understand in the young a birthday is cause for excitement, one of my, now not so young, charges celebrates her 21st birthday this year and is i imagine looking forward with great anticipation of that day, but 21 seems so long ago now, so many highs and lows, so many lost memories, forgotten faces & sleepless nights that i struggle to look forward to another year getting a little more grey & a little more forgetfully. Don't get me wrong I'm not someone who is trying to cling to their youth, pretending to understand modern music and wearing clothes that just, well, just wrong, but i don't embrace the onset of age either.
So i got to thinking why i have become this way, and i think i have it. I don't want to get any older, but then i wouldn't go back to being 21 again either. This is because I have reached a stage in my life where everything is right, everything fits & I don't want it to change. I think this may be to do with all those wasted years where things felt wrong or slightly misplaced, but now I have everything i ever wanted i don't want to chance that they might not stay that way. My good lady, the gym queen of late, and I have our health, our happiness and the life we both wanted, our children are growing up and embracing their own lives & although the hair may be a little thinner, but I'm feeling good about the way i look at the midway point, everything is coming up roses. So what can the future hold that is better than this? and because of that i have decided that i wont do the female thing and start counting backwards each year, I'm just going to stay here.
Why then do i feel a trepidation with the coming cake and candles? I have never been a big one for birthdays, never understood the significance really. We spend money and write cards and cook meals and book hotels for what? To celebrate an event we don't even remember, i mean honestly does anyone remember the day they were born? What relevance does that day have? I feel it would be better to celebrate the day you left home, or the day you lost your virginity, or even the day before your first hangover. These are days when you started living, not the day you were pushed, screaming into this world.
Why not shift your birthday to the day of conception, after all pro life supporters would have us believe that the unborn child is living so QED birth is not the start of life. I'm going to go as far as saying i don't like birthdays, i have enough reminders all year that I'm getting older, the flecks of grey on the hairdressers floor, the inability to sleep through the night without a 3am trip to the bathroom or my personal favorite, the I'm standing in front of the fridge and don't know why memory game. I really don't need people sending me cards about senility, about baldness or sexual impotence to remind me the clock is ticking.
I understand in the young a birthday is cause for excitement, one of my, now not so young, charges celebrates her 21st birthday this year and is i imagine looking forward with great anticipation of that day, but 21 seems so long ago now, so many highs and lows, so many lost memories, forgotten faces & sleepless nights that i struggle to look forward to another year getting a little more grey & a little more forgetfully. Don't get me wrong I'm not someone who is trying to cling to their youth, pretending to understand modern music and wearing clothes that just, well, just wrong, but i don't embrace the onset of age either.
So i got to thinking why i have become this way, and i think i have it. I don't want to get any older, but then i wouldn't go back to being 21 again either. This is because I have reached a stage in my life where everything is right, everything fits & I don't want it to change. I think this may be to do with all those wasted years where things felt wrong or slightly misplaced, but now I have everything i ever wanted i don't want to chance that they might not stay that way. My good lady, the gym queen of late, and I have our health, our happiness and the life we both wanted, our children are growing up and embracing their own lives & although the hair may be a little thinner, but I'm feeling good about the way i look at the midway point, everything is coming up roses. So what can the future hold that is better than this? and because of that i have decided that i wont do the female thing and start counting backwards each year, I'm just going to stay here.
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