A Legacy

"When i leave you, i will leave you, thing that might never help you, things that might. Problems that i never solved, dreams to keep you up at night. As i leave you, i will leave you, things that stick forever... things that slide." - Steven Hogarth



With a trip to the mother land booked, planned and payed for she of the cold feet and i have been thinking its time to look at wills, this throws into sharp focus the things we leave behind us. So it is that i have been thinking of the legacy i leave my son, now I'm not talking about the insurance policies, the material things, but the wisdom (or lack of) that i could bestow on him. What in the total of 36 years have i learnt that might help him in darker times and i concluded i have much to tell him, probably many things i never will until in the last gasps of mortality i realise its too much too say and i left it too late to say it.

The point here is about fear, why do we leave everything we want to say until its too late. We say sorry when the moment for reconciliation has passed, we tell people we love them too little then regret that we never shared our heart when our world falls apart. I'm sure this is born from fear, a fear that if we say i love you it wont be reciprocated, that saying sorry is weakness. I am as guilty as anyone of this, i don't tell my dad i love him, i should because i do very much, but somehow those sentimental moments never seem appropriate, I know a day will come when i regret that i won't be able to tell him yet that in itself does not drive me to say today what i may not be able to tomorrow.

So i have decided to tell my son some pearls of wisdom before it's too late, before he reaches the age where he wont listen or i reach the age where i can't remember them anymore. My first would be love yourself, even if you love nobody else, because you have to live with you no matter where you are. That there are no bad things in your past if your happy in your present, those moments of despair bought you to where you are so be gratefull for them. That if you find love, hold it like you would your last breath, never take it for granted, never let your partner feel alone because if you love them they never will feel alone. Respect everyone you meet, you may not like them, but respect that they are trying to find their own way much as you are. Tell your mum and dad how much they mean to you, there will come a day when they cant answer you, but don't live with the regret that you never told them how you felt.

Above all smile, life has it's ups and its downs, but that's the way its supposed to be, after all if everything was perfect you wouldn't appreciate those special moments, special people. I have decided that i refuse to allow my legacy to be a collection of things i should have said but didn't, things i needed to do but never found the time. I'm going to see everyone i love on Christmas day 2010 and I'm going to be bloody sure they all know how much they mean to me.