The Burden Of Expectation

Shakespeare once wrote "all the worlds a stage", if this is true why must we be actors on it? Why not the director of the play? The writer of our own performance? Yet we are not, we play our parts, fulfill our roles based on the expectations of those around us.

To set the tone for this latest musing indulge me an example. When Lady Diana Spencer (AKA Princess Diana) died in a tunnel in Paris France the United Kingdom poured its grief out in public like cheap wine at a hens night. The sentiment was only overshadowed in its magnitude by the level of hypocrisy. The same people who stood for hours to place flowers at Kensington Palace had been lapping up the photos in the tabloids for years. So why the tears? why were a country united in grief? because it was expected. If, like me, you were one of the few who admitted you didn't think that much of her when alive and that her death was hardly a reason for a day off work and trip to 'someone to talk to', then my admiration knows no bounds. Obviously we all felt for her sons, but then thousands of kids loose their parents and no-body stands in the rain to lay flowers outside their 3 bedroom semi in Rochdale do they?

My point is this, we go through life bowing to the pressure to be, to react, to behave how others think we should. From childhood where the fear of disappointing our parents is indoctrinated, through the formative years where although we think we are rebelling against the status quo we are in fact just fulfilling the expected teenage stereotype. We become husbands and wives and worry endlessly about what our partner thinks, am i getting to fat? does she still find me attractive because of my hair loss? Then we in turn become parents & we pay $200 for trainers so our child can fit in, be one of the in crowd... why the hell do we do it? We cry at funerals for people we don't like or don't know, we cheer and clap at weddings for a couple we know will be in the divorce courts before their 5th anniversary. We attend christenings when we don't believe in god the list is endless and all because its considered socially acceptable, its what others expect of us.

Their are people who are more often than not happy, cheer full people, but watch what happens to them if they have a sad day. People react because that's not their role, they are the joker in the pack and must for fill their role at all times, and so our joker paints over the sadness never having one of those off days for fear of letting down the rest of the cast in the play. What we should remember is its our play, we are the lead actor or actress, we paint the sets and write the lines, everyone else in our play are just supporting actors so play the part however you want, but also accept you are a supporting role in someone Else's play so don't expect them to play their part the way you want, they must play it their own way. Sometimes this will hurt, they will choose a direction that causes you pain, but remember that they must live with themselves and nobody else, much as you must choose your own path because you are the only person you have to live with your whole life. Others will come into your play and you may feel that they deserve a more considered approach to how you interact with their characters, but ultimately not at the cost of your own enjoyment of your role.

This has been born out of a choice made by someone very dear to me of late, a choice which has caused me great pain and sadness, but i accept that choice, they must do that which they feel offers them the greatest chance of fulfillment in their own play, but they must also think how the change in script alters the part i play in their production.

So from Shakespeare to Hooberstank "be not the next of 'them'... be the first of 'You' "