What ever happened to just buying a sports car?

Following my recent outing regarding my sexuality I am informed by my teenage stepson that i have it all wrong, that gay does not imply I'm attracted to other members of my own gender, but in fact just means I'm stupid. Now i understand that every generation has a language all it's own, in the most part so parents have no idea what their children are talking about. It gives younger people a sense of identity over the generation that came before them. Just like music, clothes and television shows language helps a generation feel united against 'the good old days'.

This i have a small problem with, but as mentioned i understand it so am prepared to let teenagers redefine words like gay, lame and sweet. I confess that i do not understand how something with no legs can be lame or how something like a film can be sweet given it has no artificial sweeteners, but as i say the young will do as the young always have done.

Where i do have a problem with it is when it's used thus by grown men in the middle of their lives. when thirty somethings use pawned, noob, owned and gay do they realise that rather than sounding cool or youth full they sound bloody stupid. Think about it when you were growing up you didn't want your dad liking your music, you would in fact buy things that offended them just to yell about how there so old and they don't understand your generation. If your mum got herself some fashionable clothes you would just tell her that she should act her age and stop trying to be young. So why do middle age men having a crisis because of the hair loss now feel then need to spew off at the mouth like 12 year old Americans in the playground?

I preferred the days when a mid life crisis allowed you to sell the family station wagon and buy an MGB, to think you looked good in a sports jacket and that your 21 year old secretary was banging you over the desk because she liked mature men. Now your mid life crisis has to involve talking like a wanna be gangster, dressing like a sheep shearer, drinking like a down and out while assuming anyone who reads must be homosexual. What makes this worse is mid life man of today actually thinks he's mixing it up, he honestly believes he sounds hip and in touch with youth. News flash you don't! You sound like someones dad desperately trying to recapture a youth that has past you by. You don't need to insult people in the same way 5 year olds do in the playground, has life offered you so little that the most creative thing you have is "that films so gay?"

I watched a film a while ago called 'idiocracy', its a comedy, or at least i thought it was, now I'm starting to think its a visionary masterpiece showing the world a hundred years from now. In it a man frozen in a capsule wakes up to a world where only the stupid have survived, a world where being able to read and write is considered 'gay', where people spray crops with energy drinks because humans have taken to believing marketing hype in everything they do. This is the world i see before us now, middle aged men trying to be 12 year old Americans. So if your having that midlife crisis, or indeed if your age starts with a number higher than 1 and is in double figures, buy a sports car, find a secretary & have your breakdown with a degree of style. At least people will respect you even if they condone you in public, the way today's 'mature' people behave, the manner in which they have reverted to the primary school playground earns no respect from either their peers or their children.