When men were men which made them idiots

Recently i have come out the closet, that's right i have lay ed myself bare for the world to judge or at least so i am told, i am apparently gay. This was at first more of a shock for me than it will be for my parents when they find out, or my son, or my wife, or even for that matter my ex wife who would have the world believe I am akin to Casanova...

This sudden shift in sexuality i take as a compliment, it's nice to be considered as a man who is in touch with female interests, its flattering to know that i am thought of as gay, yet it was used as an insult. Now i get a little confused here and i wish to explain what has dragged me out of my secret straight life, but before i do let me ask why middle age men now think gay is an insult?

To outline where this sudden rush of estrogen has come from it's all to do with Stephanie Myers. I have read and really enjoyed all of the Twilight books and apparently this makes me gay and emo. Oh if my redneck judges only knew that i have also read The Time Travelers Wife and think it to be one of the best books of all time. Apparently in today's progressive society if you read books which don't feature James Bond, are not made up comic stories involving mutants or are not written by Frank Miller you must be, by definition gay.

Now lets clarify some things about myself, i don't like musicals, but i can appreciate that moulin rouge is an entertaining little film, i have never owned a scissor sisters album, but can appreciate that they do production pop music well and appreciate the performance they offer. I don't mind talking about HRT, I can be constructively critical of clothing and offer alternatives to colour matching. If this makes me gay them indeed i must be, for it makes me happy and as being gay is defined as being happy then i must be the love child of Elton John & Boy George.

Today's middle age man has de-evolved, now i didn't like the whole in touch with my feminine side of the 90's, men who were not only afraid to cry, but openly proud of it just didn't sit right with me, but what we see today where middle age men try so hard to be singlet wearing, beer swilling idiots who consider any game that doesn't have guns, any film that doesn't have Bruce Willis blowing shit up and just about any book that doesn't have pictures as gay, is a very distressing state of affairs. I feel for woman today the men they may seek as potential mates do not understand them, nor do they want too. I may be gay, but I'm pretty sure that most women who have a gay friend wish he wasn't because well he just 'gets' them in a way their husbands don't, maybe this new found sexuality will offer me the chance to fulfill my ex's suspicions about me being related to the worlds greatest womaniser.

To conclude, my fear is that women will soon be faced with a return to the 'Man' of the 50's who, to quote the football song "go down pub, drink ten pints and now I'm really plastered, go back home, beat up wife Dirty Northern Bastard". I'm off to do my eyeliner, slip into a sexy little black number and drool over Edward Cullen.