NRP

NRP, if you know what it stands for you probably are one, if you don't let me enlighten you. NRP stands for Non Resident Parent, it is a term used by schools, courts & resident parents to categorise one parent into a position of less importance, ability or influence when compared with the parent with whom a child resides. Although it is accepted that NRP stands for Non Resident Parent it would be fair to say it is considered by judges, head teachers and social services to stand for Not Really Parental.

As the law stands if a person has Parental Responsibility for a child, and no restrictive court orders are in place, than that person is to be treated with the same consideration, legally, morally and regardless of where the child resides as any other with Parental Responsibility. Courts are required by law to consider opinions from all those with PR when making decisions for the welfare of the child. Schools are required to keep all parents with PR informed with newsletters, permission forms, school reports and even as far as invitations to parents evenings.

PR means that although your child may not reside with you all the time, you are still as important a voice in their wellbeing as your former partner. You have the right to know, and have an input into where they live, with whom, what school they attend, what religion (if any) they follow. Let us be clear on another issue before we plunge head first into the crux of the matter, being a resident parent is not the same thing as having a residency order. To expand for those fortunate enough to have no idea what I'm talking about, a residency order is made by a court when the child's residency arrangements can not be agreed upon. In the absence of any order no single parent has any more legal rights than another, so just because your a resident parent do not think you automatically have the rights that a residency order gives, you don't, you are a resident parent because your former spouse has allowed you to be, not because a court has appointed you.

So now we have cleared up the situation let me explain why today's thoughts wander to the subject, alternatively let me ask a few questions, and honestly if you wish to reply i am interested in your views on this -

1. Why do i not receive a copy of my sons school report without asking 5 times for it?
2. Why have i missed out on the last two years of school photographs?
3. Why am i not allowed to take my son on holiday to Disney world?
4. How did my son attend a school trip without my permission?
5. Why was i not aware that my son had been made house captain at school?
6. How can my son attend a high school when i have no knowledge of which one?

The answers to all of these should by now be obvious, I am a parent, and that should be enough to ensure that the above questions are never asked, but because i am a parent who does not live at the same address as my son (i do hate the term NRP) i am, in the eyes of some, not really a parent at all. I say this to highlight the difficulties that have befallen a great many thanks to the need by some to categorise everything. I do not see myself as anything but a parent, i do not live with my mum and dad now, but that does not make them non resident parents, they are just parents and always will be. In addition they are grandparents, but their grandchildren do not live with them so shouldn't they be NRGP. I do not live with my sister but i do not think of her as a non resident sister. The point here is why do people have to be labeled? The adding of non resident before parent instantly denotes that you are of less importance, that in some way your opinions are trivial, after all you don't even live with your child so you obviously don't care as much as the parent that does.

Parenting is a minefield, be it a couple who have remained together, a couple who have separated or step parenting, but that minefield is only increased in danger when establishments who should remain supportive of all family structures encourage a shift in the balance of power. The good news is there is a simple solution, abolish the term NRP, do away the label which demotes one parent to simple spectator. Decisions could then be much the same as a joint bank account, requiring two signatures for forms regarding school trips, two addresses for correspondence after all give the child has now gone back to having two parents instead of one and a NRP they could be living at either address.

Courts must begin this change, by ensuring the current status quo is destroyed. At present if i wish to take my son to Disney world I must attend court to get a judges order. This is not because i need one, in truth i could, legally remove my son to America (must take own coffee) for a period of time no exceeding 28 days, I have this right because firstly I have parental responsibility for him and secondly because my former partner doesnt have and has never needed a residency order. So why would i need to go to court you ask? The answer is i must go to court to enforce my rights, because his passport was obtained without my permission i have no access to it, and am not allowed it because his other parent resents me taking him on holiday. So i must go to court to uphold the law??? This must change, the premise that you should attend court to enforce the law at your cost is diabolical.

I have only one category to parenting, you are a parent or you are not. Either you have reproduced with another human to create life or you have not, its that simple. Where you live, who you live with, what you do, who you are have no relevance in this if you have created life you are a parent and will be for the rest of your days. Ask yourself this, if you no longer live at home do you no longer consider your mum and dad to be parents? Or better still ask your parents if they no longer think of themselves that way. On step parents let me offer my humble point of view, I love all three of my wife's children & have, i would like to think, helped them through some difficult times with compassion, support and the odd glimpse of wisdom, but i am not their parent, they are not my children. The only people who consider a step child in the idea of i treat them like they are my own are step parents who don't have their own, if you do ask yourself this little conundrum, if your step children and your own child were against a wall about to be shot and you could only save one which would it be? My answer is always the same, my own, and that's why i know they are not mine, my wife's answer is i couldn't choose, but i know it would be one of my own, and that's why she knows my son is not hers.

So to conclude what has been i think the longest blog i have ever done, if you have created life you are a parent, regardless of your circumstances you will always be a parent and that is as far as the label should go, you may not be a mum or a dad because your actions earn you those titles not your circumstances, but that my long suffering readers is another tale for another time.